Plato
Addict to sex

In a recent study on the sexual addiction, Patricia Matey began saying: “The addiction to sex is one of the confessed and visible dependencies less of which they exist. However, it has increased the number of patients whom aid due to the consequences of its upheaval requests: economic ruin, broken marriages, labor problems, anxiety and depression”.

The experts indicate that this upheaval is not new, although recently has only been recognized like a serious social problem, with similar consequences to those of other more well-known addictions, like the alcohol, the drugs or the compulsive gambling.

Unlike other addictions - Ramon Ayllón- indicates to Jose, the sexual dependency can adopt manifolds forms: from the compulsive masturbation to the sexual abuses, passing through relations with heterosexual or homosexual manifolds even, encounter with unknown people, continuous resource to the pornography, erotic prostitution or lines, exhibicionismo, pedofilia, sexual tourism, etc. Sexual the compulsive behavior deed, in the majority of the cases, in the mind, where the sexual fantasies and the erotic thoughts become deceptive valves of escape of the labor problems, the broken relations, the low self-esteem or the personal dissatisfaction.

The addict ones to sex are capable in the dissimulation, because its problem shames to them. But, frequently, its dependency is ended up knowing. “Some go to the consultation - Roselló explains Barber when the invoices of the telephone of erotic lines or the contacts with prostitutas have ruined to them economically or his spouse is shortage to them. Others decide to request aid because they want to end an addiction that is making be shipwrecked its marriage, has caused legal problems to them or it is pushing to them the suicide. Or because its dependency takes to them to make things that never had imagined, and that causes an unbearable suffering to them.”

Always somebody payment for that reason

Sexual incontinence usually brings, after the first moments of enjoyment, a heavy impression of dissatisfaction, error, misfortune. You know that you have made something illegal. It is easy that you feel like displeasure, culprit, degraded. Perhaps later, with time, you get to rationalize it somehow and you are able to forget it, or to consider it normal, or even positive, because when the sin becomes habit, its dependency more and more makes difficult to discern good and the bad thing. When the pleasure to the responsibility is put in front, always there is a price that to pay. Those that creates to be able to obtain the one and the other let deceive with too much facility.

The obsession by the satisfaction of own desires blinds to undergoes that it. It prevents to see the detrimental effect that behavior has on the others. But somebody, at some time, will have to pay by those givings up. Perhaps she is a person with whose more intimate feelings you have played; or a creature not yet born who will finish her days in a dustbin, the condemned because it was the result of a “error”; or a marriage, and perhaps children, destroyed by a frivolous and absurd adulterous relation. A disguised egoism of love that is broken a commitment, it has smoothed the rights of another one, or has turned children into innocent victims.

Always there is somebody pays for that reason. Among others things, because that never lack in that chain of breaks he is one same one. Tolstoi assured that the man who has known several women only his pleasure, no longer is a normal man, but somebody that hardly will stop seeing the woman like a an object. He will be a man who will need, to return to be normal, everything a rehabilitation process. A man who will pay a high price to have let seduce by that mask of the love.

An restlessness sensation

When the catholic Church says that there is to be generous, to worry about the others, or to remember the poor men, the majority of listens to it to people with distracted air. Few feel questioned.

Nevertheless, surprising, when the Church speaks on the abstention, many are torn the clothes and say that it is a species of absurd and intolerable repression, a ridiculous rest of old puritanismos and anachronisms.

-And why you think that there is a so different reaction before subjects and others?

I do not know it. The Church is limited to speak, is not forcing to them to anything. But one sees that before this subject they feel a deep restlessness. Perhaps there is something of bad brings back to consciousness, if they react so of irritated and vehement way.

The most habitual deceits

- Many say that nobody can dictate to them what they must do with his sexuality. That for them “it is worth everything”.

Of course, I am not going to dictate nothing to them. But it seems to me that way to speak is a a little coarse form to elude the moral reality.

In any analysis it exceeds what must or not become, to say that “it is worth everything”, is like saying that nothing is worth, then, when thus speaking, all dialogue and all use of intelligence loses their sense. It does not seem a good approach to speak of values nor to take a reasonable life.

In any case, fodder that is an attitude that, like all, there is to try to include/understand. I do not believe that there is to respond to those people with great power nor contempt, because all those expositions usually respond to a personal crisis that costs to surpass, and most sensible it is to indicate a sincere understanding, and not to face but to offer aid.

Since Carmen has written Martin Gaite, for many sex is “an attempt to remedy the personal isolation, but that only projects it outside himself. And although, in the best one of the cases, it can agree with the projection outside himself that trigger the isolation of the other, will always be individuals that, if they share something, are a crisis state. The crisis more intense than can be imagined, but at the same time most insignificant. Just like the waves: to persecute themselves, to enjoy and soon to undo separately”.

Those people would have to include/understand that to desentender itself of the moral law she finishes sooner or later in serious misfortunes. Thus it is reflected with brilliance, to put an example, in “the Unfaithful” film, of Liv Ullmann, that approaches with certain depth the drama of the adultery. When two people initiate an adulterous relation, perhaps they think that she is like a game for adults. The principles morals disappear. Amémonos to the limit, we are happy together, olvidémonos of what it is good and what he is bad, that does not pass anything.

Nevertheless, sooner or later they discover that it does not give equal to forget the nature and its laws. They wanted to do because they were Gods that occur themselves their nature and its laws, and do not take much in verifying that they have been lain to themselves, and happens then the consequent tragedy. They wanted to play that there were no principles morals, and suddenly that one simulation and that one fingimiento crumble.

What was a united marriage, a happy daughter, a good friend, finishes all exhausted by thoughtlessness, the egoism of the sensuality that blinds and takes to the irresponsibility, and even to the cruelty, to destroy it everything. The victims are they themselves, their families, that girl who has been used in the game of adults, coiled by an emotional eddy that tears its life, without understanding well which is its paper in that history of disloyalties.

- But the abstention models that often have appeared to us sound to rigorismo, to repression, something old…

As far as the one of old, it would be necessary to say that the relaxation in the sexual conduct is much more old. Slackness costumary in these subjects is present from very primitive times, as it testifies history well.

As far as the old woman and foolish rigorismos, I agree in which agrees to break with the timorous or shrunk visions of the sexuality, but he would not be sensible to invoke those errors to justify others. One is to defend old puritanismos, neither to return to the Victorian time, nor to the Average Age. One is to walk towards the truth on the man.

- Other times which you think it is that all those ideas that you say are very pretty, wonderful, but too difficult, and that the realist is to take advantage of a little the few pleasures which today it is possible to be enjoyed…

That decoy that you describe has always presented/displayed before the man, and not only to seduce to him by the pleasures of sex but by other many ways. They are reasonings very similar to which becomes who falls in the networks of the lie, the alcohol, the game, or the illegal commission.

All the disloyalties and all the acts of infidelity usually begin little by little, with small habits, without movements nor violent bankruptcies, sudden collapses…, but when one is wanted to give account is hooked. They are - in words of Robert McCammon- “horrible monsters that strain themselves in the smiling houses, doublings and behind the face of a dear being”.

For that reason, at the moments of temptation it is necessary to raise a little the glance towards the type of person who one wants to be, towards the necessity to reach a dominion on the own instincts thus to fortify the own affectivity and to be an honest person.

- Yes, but when you are in those attitudes usually you do not want to think much about the future, you think mainly about the present…

It is certain, and that is almost always the dialectic game of any temptation. Its main persistence is to prevent that you think about the future. Its triumph is to obtain that you only think about that near pleasure, of that moment. Its great profit is…, really, that you do not want to think. But we know well that the quality of a person is, among other things, in which he is also able to think with good sense when the temptation gets worse.

Or that, at least, is able to realize of which the things are not it sees as them when it is under the spell of the temptation, but are it saw as them when it thought with lucidity.

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